Stop 'Coaching' Your Tech Team (And What To Do Instead)
How to level up your engineering leadership with CAMS: Coaching, Advising, Mentoring, and Supporting
Ever noticed how many hats you wear as a technical leader? One minute you're giving direct advice on a thorny technical problem, the next you're listening and asking questions to help someone grow. Sometimes you're sharing war stories from your own experience, and other times you're simply being there to acknowledge someone's progress.
These different ways of helping your team aren't random — they're actually distinct modes of development that I like to call CAMS: Coaching, Advising, Mentoring, and Supporting. Understanding these modes can be a game-changer for how you help your team grow.
Here's the thing about coaching that might surprise you: as a technical leader, you're probably doing less of it than you think. And that's actually okay! Let me explain why.
The Coaching Confusion
If you've ever looked up "what is coaching," you've probably come across some pretty formal definitions. The International Coaching Federation talks about "unlocking untapped potential" and "maximizing professional potential."
Sounds great, right? But how does that translate to your daily work with engineers and technical teams?
Let's break it down into something more practical.
The Four Flavors of Development
Think of CAMS like different tools in your leadership toolkit. Each one has its sweet spot, and they all work along two dimensions: how curious you are (asking questions) versus how directive you are (telling people what to do).
Here's how they play out:
Coaching is like being a rubber duck with really good questions. You're curious but not directive, helping people find their own answers. It's the classic "I won't tell you what to do, but I'll help you figure it out" approach.
Advising is when you go into solution mode. You've seen this problem before, you know what works, and you're sharing that knowledge directly. "Here's what I recommend..." is your starting phrase.
Mentoring is sharing your battle scars constructively. You're both telling stories from your experience and asking questions to help people relate those experiences to their situation.
Supporting is being the team's rock. You're not solving problems or giving advice— you're acknowledging progress, challenges, and effort. It's saying "I see how hard you're working on this" instead of "good job!"
Trust: The Secret Ingredient
Here's where things get interesting—and why you might not be doing as much pure coaching as you think. It all comes down to trust.
You might be thinking, "Of course my team trusts me!" But trust isn't just one thing. It's like a cocktail with four key ingredients (shout out to "The Trusted Advisor" for this recipe):
Credibility: Your technical chops and track record
Reliability: Your reputation for doing what you say you'll do
Intimacy: How comfortable people feel sharing the real stuff with you
Self-orientation: Whether you're focused on them or yourself (hint: less self = more trust)
The magic happens when you blend these together, but here's the kicker - intimacy and low self-orientation are the real power players here. People trust folks they can talk to about the hard stuff and who genuinely care about them.
Matching Modes to Trust Levels
Here's how trust plays out across our four modes:
Supporting is like trust on training wheels. You don't need years of relationship-building to say, "I see you're making progress here." Just keep the judgment out of it - there's a world of difference between "You're making progress" and "Good job!"
Advising needs you to be credible. If you've got the technical experience and you've proven you know your stuff, people will listen to your advice. Simple as that.
Mentoring requires turning up the trust dial. Sharing stories about that time you totally bombed a production deployment? That takes some real trust on both sides.
Coaching? That's the trust jackpot. For someone to be truly open about their challenges and find their own solutions through your questions, they need to trust you completely.
The Manager's Dilemma
Now here's the elephant in the room: as a manager, you've got power over your team members' careers. Whether you like it or not, you influence their promotions, projects, and opportunities. This creates what I call the "manager's trust ceiling" - even if you're the most trustworthy leader ever, that power dynamic is always there.
This is why pure coaching might not be your go-to move as often as you'd think. And you know what? That's perfectly fine! Most of the time, what your team really needs from you is solid advice, mentorship, and support.
Putting It All Together
The beauty of CAMS is that it gives you three superpowers as a technical leader:
Clarity about which hat to wear when
Confidence that you're using the right approach
Permission to stop trying to be the "perfect coach" all the time
The real secret to great technical leadership isn't mastering any one mode - it's knowing how to dance between them. Sometimes your team needs the wise advisor, sometimes the supportive listener, sometimes the experienced mentor, and yes, sometimes the coach who helps them find their own way.
Your job? Learn the dance steps, read the room, and lead with the mode that matches the moment. Trust me (see what I did there?), your team will thank you for it.
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